From Chaos to Order

By Gregg Piburn

 “Real help begins when you identify you have a problem, and you’re not OK, and it’s OK to not be OK.”

  It’s OK if you need to reread that sentence a couple times because it took a lifetime for Jerrad Weaver to form those words into a philosophy. Jerrad’s toughness and perseverance guides him to be more than OK.

  Jerrad’s a big guy with a big beard and big tattoos covering his big biceps. When he enters the Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) octagon he appears to be right out of Central Casting.

  But he’s much more than a fighting machine. On May 17 he wore the cap and gown of a Colorado State University (CSU) graduate who earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in political science with a concentration on U.S. policy, government and law along with a minor in environmental sustainability. A few days before graduation he registered an LLC business named Black Meridian that has the tagline “The subtle line between order and chaos.” The business provides protection for high-profile clients.

  He knows about chaos. Let’s go back to the start of this Army veteran’s life.

  Jerrad’s birthmother was into narcotics and his parents divorced. “Mom has been sober the last 20 years … but I still wonder why she couldn’t get sober for me when I was a kid.” The young boy lived with his dad – who was involved in two more divorces. Jerrad’s dad spent years in the National Guard, fought in Iraq, and later became a police officer. “I was a pretty lonely kid, an only child, who wanted to be like Dad, a GI Joe.”

  He remembers being pulled out of his fourth-grade class on 9/11 and asked his dad what had happened. “Dad didn’t beat around the bush,” Jerrad recalls. “Americans were attacked on American soil.” The boy knew right then he would become a soldier to help protect America.

  On his 18^thbirthday Jerrad joined the Army.

A military mishmash

  Like most people who go into the service, Jerrad had a wide variety of experiences, some of which he was willing to talk about, others he chose to remain private about. Toward the end of his Army career (2011-2017) he signed up for the grueling Special Forces training and selection process. A total of 192 started the program and Jerrad was  one of the 42 to be chosen. But during a parachuting exercise after his selection, he broke his femur upon landing. That bad break led to a painkiller addiction, excessive drinking and a DUI. Despite those problems, his high marks as a soldier led to an honorable discharge.

  Like many military vets, the transition to civilian life challenged him on multiple fronts. At one point he argued with a boss at a landscaping company and got fired. A coworker had told him to call Marshall Spring, the founder of Combat Recovery Foundation(CRF). He called.

  That was in 2023and, as Jerrad admits, he had nothing going for him. “Marshall saw I was a wreck and taught me in that first meeting the box-breathing exercise.” (Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds.) Such a simple thing, right? That simple suggestion along with Marshall’s authenticity proved to be key factors in Jerrad’s turnaround.

Breaths of change

  “Marshall told me to do that breathing at red lights,” Jerrad says with a grin. “I was so lost it gave me a reason to get up, shower, get dressed, and drive around looking for red lights.”

Fortunately, that initial meeting with Marshall created a lot of green lights for Jerrad.

  “CRF doesn’t take a cookie-cutter approach to helping vets,” Jerrad says. “They (CRF) break the mold and figure out what you need.” Jerrad never had a lot of friends so the organization quickly hooked him up to a peer counselor, Bob. “Now I lift weekly with Bob, we get coffee, we talk honestly about in-depth topics, discuss what’s going on in my head. That’s what I needed.” Jerrad adds: “No matter how low you are or how dark your reality, people like Marshall and Bob are here to help. Don’t wait, call.” The CRF number is 1-844-CRF-IGY6 (1-844-273-4496).

  CRF, a non-profit organization headquartered in Loveland, Colo., depends on corporate and individual donations to provide the customized services for veterans and others impacted by traumatic life events. “It has always been up to the community to integrate the warriors” back into civilian life, Marshall says. To donate to or volunteer for CRF, call the number in the paragraph above. (The CFR website iscombatrecoveryfoundation.org.)

The river of life

 Several months ago Jerrad participated in a CSU research study. He struggled to symbolically draw his life as a river, one of the study instructions. It was a tough task because “I still didn’t know exactly who I was back then.” But the exercise forced him to organize his life, starting with his morals … and working his way up. The image of his life journey is much clearer now, thanks to, among other things, his involvement with MMA and CRF.

  “I box and grapple every day at the gym,” says the former amateur boxer who switched to MMA two years ago. “I fit in there and they treat me as one of their own.”

  He also became more active in CRF events and volunteer opportunities, including speaking at a fundraising dinner. “CRF has been and will continue to be a staple in my life because it brought me back from a place not a lot of people understand.”

  Connection is a key ingredient to help veterans transition back to civilian life. Jerrad is connected as never before thanks to MMA and CRF. “Now I’m connecting my MMA crowd with Marshall’s CRF crowd.” The connections grow, the transitions become easier.

  “I’ve grown a lot since I struggled with that CSU life-journey exercise,” he says confidently. He knows who he’s been, who he is, and where he hopes to go. “I’m an honorably discharged Army vet, an MMA fighter, a college graduate, I’m starting a business, I hope to have a family, I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t drink, I’ve made a lot of mistakes that don’t define me, and I try to live by a set of morals.”

  When asked what his current self would like to say to his childhood self, Jerrad paused. Then his face relaxed and his words streamed out like the flow of a mighty river. “You are enough. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone. It doesn’t always seem like it but your dad loves you. You don’t need to go to war to prove yourself. Stick to your morals and values.”

  Remember that Jerrad’s business, Black Meridian, has the tagline “The subtle line between order and chaos.” Jerrad’s business provides protection for high-profile clients. It turns out the resources and connections he acquired in recent times protect … himself. And he’s more than OK with that.

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